Some Random Thoughts for the New Year

Beautiful winter day... just strapped the x-country skiis on and went for a lovely glide. Not much snow cover so wasn't optimum.... but was lovely to get out in the peace of nature!
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Am loving this cute retro dress by Tiny Modernist (http://tinymodernist.bigcartel.com/). Wonder when she might design a mommy-version!

Piled on too many pounds over Christmas... so am following Martha Stewart's Whole Living 4-Week Action Plan. Lots of great advice, support, recipes and detox strategies.... (http://www.wholeliving.com/photogallery/4-week-makeover)

Must run.. time to put a fire on and make chicken soup from our weekend chicken stock making endeavour!

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year

December is almost here

With our first, light snowfall upon us... Lu keeps asking.. "is it Christmas already?"

It is difficult trying to explain to a four year old that Christmas is still many sleeps away! But she is excited, oh so excited and Christmas day this year will be pretty exciting.

Even though December first is right around the corner... I still have yet to start my christmas shopping. I hope to get away to Toronto's One of a Kind show tomorrow... but that is still up in the air. Last year I was able to get a huge bulk of my christmas shopping complete at the one of a kind show... but I am not sure if I'll be able to do the same this year (can't give everyone a similar gift to last year).

We did order presents for all the husband's clients, as well as finalizing ideas for Lu's ECE teachers at preschool and her Kindergarten teacher.

I still have to decorate the house and get the wreaths and swag outside... and start baking... and why oh why am I so behind this year.... December has just crept up on me without warning.

But it will get done -- well.... it has to get done!

The Painful Reminder

I knew the day would come. I knew it would be brutally hard; and truth be told... it is still brutally hard two years later.

It has been two years.. two painful years. We miss you Little Buddy. I miss your soft, silky fur and your expressive eyes. I miss how you loved to chase squirrels, frisbees, sticks, ducks and wheelbarrow wheels. I miss your slightly intense nature but loved the fact that in your eyes -- I was the best and only person alive on the planet.

How you loved when we went biking and hiking, or roller blading at midnight when we all lived in Kingston. You loved to snuggle in bed with us and you always positioned yourself close by -- whichever room we were in -- you were there to protect us.

Even though you were part Border Collie - you were deathly afraid of sheep (but that is our little secret). You loved your neck massaged, your belly rubbed and you just loved being with us; it made you feel secure and loved.

We spent virtually every single day together from when you were a mere 8 weeks old. You were by far the cutest puppy, the best companion and most loving senior dog in the world.

A part of me died with you. I will always remember you and love you.

Say hello to Tiamo for us.

We miss you dear Angus. Life is not the same....

Kindergarten

I am sure there are a million blogs right now devoted to a child's first day of school. So of course I thought I would add mine.

I have to say... this first day of kindergarten was pretty ordinary - -there were no tears, no clinging, no anxiety..... she just walked into the classroom like she'd been there for years and years.

Now mind you, we had been preparing for this day for years and years! We started her at preschool about 2 years ago with the hopes that a structured, educational and fun preschool would be a great warm up to "real" school. We also sent Lu off to day camp for two weeks this year... so another first... another new thing to try.... another learning activity. She has taken it all in stride.

We also went to the junior kindergarten orientation which was held earlier in the summer at her new school. So Lu and I went through the classrooms and visited the library and gym and met the teachers. So again this was a great opportunity for Lu to see her new school and know that it isn't a scary place. She was also very lucky to have her friend Lizzie as a classmate -- I know this helped ease her transition from preschool to JK.

So what do we do now? She is growing up so quickly, right before our eyes. Lu dresses herself in the morning without prompting or pressure, she gets her shoes on and a warm sweater and launches herself out the door to the car. It has all been pretty darned easy.

But of course I think about her all day. I count the seconds until she and daddy pull up in the driveway and I can snuggle her warm and drowsy body into my arms and ask her a million questions about her day: How was your teacher today? what did you learn? Who did you play with outside today? How was your lunch? Did you get a new book from the library today? Did you make a new friend? What new thing did you learn today? and the list goes on....

Yes.. I miss her terribly. I know she is having fun, but I also know at school she will have sad days and meet some not-so-nice kids and maybe not feel well and wish she were home with me, and I know she is going to get tired... oh so tired.... So really all I can do is love her and be there for her and make sure she gets lots of sleep and washes her hands and helps me pick out lunches and snacks to make for her school meal... and, and and!

First riding lesson

Lu has always loved ponies -- as most little girls do. But surprisingly up until recently, she has been intimidated by the "real" thing; even though she loves playing with her "my little ponies" and other various horse-like dolls... she just did not appreciate the grandeur of a real, live pony.

She's had plenty of access to ponies... at grandma's house, at our neighbour's place, at the farm across the road from grandma,.... and the list goes on and on. But it wasn't until my dear friend Sian offered a pony ride at the stable she frequents. I happened to have a free Saturday morning, so Lu and I donned our best rubber boots and headed to the stable.

We arrived a bit early and Annabel was immediately drawn to the small, black pony - 'Beauty' - who was being groomed and polished by two young girls. Then... the pink saddle pad arrived... Lu was smitten... not only was this tiny, gentle pony nibbling her hands... but... she had a pink saddle pad. That pink saddle pad made everything in life perfect... and at that moment.. life was perfect.. perfect for a smitten four year old girl, with long, blond curly hair, held back in a french braid; a Vancouver Olympic t-shirt and grey leggings tucked into flowery pink rubber boots and a toothy grin that stretched from ear to ear.

Unfortunately, Beauty was being used in a lesson. But, Lu got to ride Sino the Palomino... and she just loved every single moment of life on top of that round palomino. She even walked over a few poles on the ground (yeah. her first jump) and trotted, each side, down the length of one wall (yeah, her first dressage test).

Soon her ride was over... but the euphoria of that special "first" still lives on - two days later - as Lu proudly tells anyone within ear shot of her first horse ride!

Anaphylactic Shock

I cannot get the image out of my head. The image of your tiny, frail body lying in a hospital bed, surrounded by wires and beeping machines and giant scratchy blankets under the grey-green glow of the fluorescent ceiling light.

I cannot get the image out of my head of your limp body in my arms while you vomited uncontrollably - your body trying to rid itself of the toxins within. I thought, at that instant, that we were going to lose you. It almost seemed as if your life was flowing out of you along with the sick. I thought at that instant I would collapse, overwhelmed by the uncertainty, the blind panic and unforgivable unknowns.

I cannot get the image of your swollen eyes, your hive covered body, of you clawing at your neck and screaming how it hurts. I was so helpless. What do you do? I had no idea. And for that I am sorry. I am supposed to save you from hurt, from pain and from everything bad. I didn't do my job very well.

Why. Why did your body react so severely. Why did this attack come on so suddenly. We had no history of allergies. Up until now, you had been the picture of perfect health in all your four year old glory. Yet this awful reaction almost felled you instantly. Instantly in my arms while I held you on the side of the road. Screaming at daddy to call an ambulance. To will an ambulance here. NOW.

I knew we couldn't waste anymore time. I urged daddy to get back in the car and drive. Drive like you've never driven before. We took a big risk rushing you to the hospital on our own. Driving like a maniac. Passing cars. Swearing at the oblivious drivers who had no idea the hell that was taking place in our car.

When I first saw the flashing lights of the ambulance, my heart lifted... ever. so. slightly. We pulled to the side of the road as the ambulance swung around to meet us. I was out of the car, instantly, with your shaking, in shock, limp body in my arms. The site of the angelic paramedics sent me to my knees. I was scared. I was crying. I was angry.

We were whisked to the hospital. You were taken care of so expertly, so thoroughly, so professionally and for that I am ever so grateful.

Now you must carry an epi pen everywhere. Now I must investigate every and all morsels to pass your lips. I will also wonder what else you might be allergic to? How can I protect you from all these unknowns.

I am scared. I am overwhelmed with sadness. I have tons of questions and I cannot stop thinking about all the unbelievably unthinkable 'what if' scenarios which could have easily played out Saturday night. I cannot even imagine what would have happened. What easily could have happened.